Some people, like my brother and my uncle Howard can tell great stories. They can turn a drive to the grocery and back into an edge-of-your-seat narrative that you'll laugh at or cry with or bite your nails through. I don't get it. I can't do that. Really. I can't. I can write one down. I can even make it humorous, or poignant, or snarky or informative. But I cannot verbally tell a story.
I notice it all the time when I'm speaking to people. I ramble on, repeating myself in slightly different ways and adding in completely unnecessary details. Frequently I get the "hurry up" motion from friends and tired listeners. Occasionally I actually get the words "Get on with it already!" from friends.
Also, I have no sense of timing whatsoever. I start and stop in weird places, sometimes even veering off into some completely different story altogether. No cadence. Just call me "No Cadence Candace" from now on. I'm just kidding. Don't call me that. Seriously. I'll punch you in the butt if you do.
The thing is, when I write something down I can re-arrange it so that it flows better. I can spend an ungodly amount of time choosing just the right word to express myself. This tiny missive took an hour and a half to write. But in person I can barely relate a quick paragraph about lunch.
Am I that socially awkward? Well, yes. I am. I'm really uncomfortable most of the time I'm out in the world, even with people I love who I know love me back. At my age you'd think I'd probably either be over that sort of shit or get used to it. The best I've come up with though is to just grit my teeth, slap a smile on my face, and get through it. But on the other hand, I truly enjoy the interaction with other people.
I took this class at work once that was based on Carl Jung's theories of personality and it was no surprise to me when the results came back that the dominant portions of my personality were equal parts of "blue" (give me facts and get out) and "green" (show me you care). Maybe its that blue and green make for one murky story.
And then there's the ending. Ending a story is sometimes difficult, and if you've heard me go on about "No Country for Old Men" then you know how I feel about the importance of a good ending. But ending one verbally is almost impossible for me. I tend to just stop speaking. There's no real conclusion or punchline, just a point where words become pointless.
I envy those who can tell good stories.
